Saturday, June 7, 2014

The perfect wife

I'm the perfect wife.  There's no if's, and's, or but's about it. I'm educated. I have my own home.  I have my own method of transportation.  I own my own business.  I work full-time. My child is well cared for. I have a good personality.  I'm smart. And I like sports. So the million dollar question is...why am i still single?
The joke around these parts is that all of the halfway decent Black men are either gay, in jail, or with white girls.  People say that there's always some truth to humor. I digress...
I asked people, particularly men, what their criteria were for a "good/perfect wife or significant other"? A good friend of mine, Hatt Mosey, had a laundry list of things that he wanted in a mate.  He offered them with a sense of humor though.  That's just how Hatt is lol.  He mentioned that he wanted a spunky girl with class, is educated, street smart, loves Mom and Dad, not the loudest thing in the room, knows how to be sexy without everything hanging out, healthy, artsy fartsy, and mentally attractive.  There were more, but I edited his list down a bit lol.  I told him that his list described me EXACTLY, but I couldn't go out with him because I had dated his cousin before.  Twice.  Double mistake.  I digress...again.
I have a few friends who left the area and come home with husbands in the past.  But why does a woman have to leave the area just to find a husband? I'll tell you why.  The reality is this, Black women in this area have a greater chance of an airplane falling out the sky and landing on their houses, than they do finding a suitable husband.  I know that's kind of extreme, but it's the truth.  I remember talking to someone a few years ago.  They asked me why i wasn't dating anyone seriously?  I asked them, who was i supposed to be dating around here?  And then i told them that if they can name ONE man around here for me to date, I'd date him.  There was a LONG period of silence after that.  By the way, I'm still waiting to hear an answer from that person.
Once someone asked me if my standards were high?  Ok that's any oxymoron within itself.  But I answered the question in my head.  Are my standards too high?  What are my requirements? Notice I say requirements and not criteria.  Here's my list of REQUIREMENTS in no particular:
1. Be taller than I am.  That right there eliminates 95% of the men around here.
2. Be gainfully employed.  At my age, I'm tired of meeting men who are "still trying to get themselves together".  Seriously, how long are you going to take? The average lifetime for a man is around 75-80 years.  If you're 40+ years old, what the hell are you waiting for?? Half your life is over and you still are trying to get yourself together? I can't right now...
3. He can't have children that are younger than mine.  That's a child support issue that I won't even get into right now. 
4. Treat my child as if he's their own.
That's it.  I'm serious.  My requirements aren't much.  I'd like to date a man who I can wear heels with while I'm out with him and I'd like for him to be able to buy me a damn cheeseburger if I want one. My standards are not high. 
Now if you ask me what criteria I'd like to see in a man, I'd have to say that my number one is that he definitely has to have a sense of humor. Also, someone who's like me.  Faithful, respectful, artsy fartsy lol, and likes sports.  And since I'm a mother, he's got to be able to relate to my child and respect the relationship that we have in place already.  Still not a lot.
Most of the guys who responded had the same answers...have a sense of humor, faith, be trustworthy, communicate, etc.  Seems like a simple list, right? You'd think so, but it's not always true.  As I read the responses, I'm thinking to myself that I know quite a few single women who have those same qualities that these single guys are saying that they want in a woman.  
So again I ask, why are there so many single Black women around here?  Here's my theory.  When our parents' generation was in their 20's & 30's, the area was booming economically.  There were plenty of jobs to go around and families were financially set.  These days, that level of work is no longer an option around here.  But I'd like to know where the ball got dropped in between our parent's generation and our generation in regards to the workforce? How come a lot of men around here don't work? This is a serious question and PLEASE reply with serious answers. And somehow the ball got dropped with buying the cow and getting the milk for free.  But that's another blog topic.
Anyways, the "ideal" Black woman is THE single woman around here.  I can't remember the last time I saw an educated, professional Black woman get engaged to be married.  I can't remember that last time I saw a "good/decent" Black man get engaged to a Black woman.  I've seen them get engaged to white women though.  Now, this isn't about race.  I'm making a point based on the notion that some Black women want to date/marry Black men.  If you like to date other races, more power to you.
So does the perfect wife exist? Yeah, she does exist.  It's just that she's the single woman who's being overlooked.