Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The empty cell phone

Let's talk about snooping.

A friend of mine dated a guy about 5 years ago who seemed like he had it together.  He was caring, concerned, and most of all, mature. They had so much in common and were on the same page.  They even talked marriage and future plans.  It seemed like she had finally met the man that would settle her down.  Everything was right on track.  Until she looked in that cell phone.  As most people do, she looked in the phone when she had an opportunity to do so.  You know those opportunities.  When he's in the shower, outside, or someplace where it's easy to look before he comes back in the room.  Before she did it, I told her what my grandmother always said about snooping. .. "If you go looking for something, be prepared for what you're going to find out."  She did it anyways lol.  Interesting enough, there wasn't anything in his phone.  And I mean NOTHING.  Nothing from his mama, his sister, or even HER.  I never told her, but that seemed really odd to me.  Why wouldn't you keep messages from your girl?  Was there something more to it? For me personally, If i'm dating someone, I keep their messages. I liked rereading something that might have made me I can smile again.  I like rereading comments that might have made me laugh.  And I like rereading those "good morning" text that I get. But a completely empty cell phone had me baffled.  There weren't any incoming or outgoing call logs either.  Weird!...but none of my business, so I never gave her my opinion because she never asked for it.

Fast forward about 4 years.  They are no longer together.  That situation only last for a little over a year.  In the end, she found out that there was someone else in his life.  Then she asked me what I thought about the empty cell phone situation. I told her that I thought it was odd that he didn't keep any messages [from her] or have any phone logs in his phone.  She agreed.  Let's just say that hindsight is a emm-effer, ok? 

I asked people if they ever looked through their significant other's cell phone.  Most of them had never done it and said that if they didn't trust their significant others, then they didn't need to be with them.  I completely agree! Just a couple of weeks ago, I told a friend of mine that when I met him, I REALLY wanted to take him seriously. We had some common interests and such and seemed to be on the same page about future goals. But as time progressed, I knew that I wasn't the only person that he was interested in.  And if anyone knows me, they know that Bessie don't play second to NO ONE. And I told him this.  It wasn't that big of a deal but sometimes if you don't  put it out there, people won't know how you feel or stand about something that you feel strongly about.  At this point in my life, I'm not interested in playing a game of "Duck Duck Goose" with other women with this man. We'll remain platonic friends for now.

So as I'm writing this, I'm asking myself would I have issues with another guy looking in my phone? At this point, because I'm not seeing anyone seriously and not in a committed anything, no I wouldn't have issues with it. When I meet a guy, and they ask me what my status is, I tell them I'm dating.  I'm not married, I'm not in a relationship, and I don't have anyone that I would consider to be my "Bae".  I'm dating. Simple as that.  I have nothing to hide.  If i were in a serious relationship, I still wouldn't have a problem with letting my significant other because again, I have nothing to hide.  

People always say that when you go looking for something, you should be prepared for what you're going to find.  When you go snooping, you should be ready for the outcomes of that snoop.With that being said, if you don't trust your partner, then chances are you shouldn't be with them. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Make a Wish

I'm a member of a lot of Facebook groups. So many, that I can barely keep up with them really.  Earlier this week, one of the moderators of a group that I'm a member of posted this picture (see above) and asked for comments.  I responded one day.  Then about 2 days later, I responded again. My first response was to wish for a good score on the LSAT test.  I was in the library studying when I posted that response lol.  A couple days ago, I responded that I wished for a husband.  My response was: "Today...I wish for a husband. Not anyone else's husband. One for me and me only. A good hearted man with a sense of humor means to support us (family), and he HAS to be taller than me! (lol)" I was just writing what was on my mind at that very moment.  I had no idea that my words would be so appreciated by the other members of the group.  The responses after my response were such uplifting and supporting.  Some were thanking me for being able to be so open and honest.  In all actuality, I was sitting there with my checkbook trying to figure out who's getting paid and who's not.  That's a ritual that I engage in every other Thursday (the day before payday).  Yay me…
When I was a child, I used to make wishes all kinds of stuff.  Falling stars (if you ever saw one), kissing my food up to God if it fell on the floor lol are just a couple.   But that day, I had to be brutally honest with myself.  Over the years, I always said that I didn’t really want to be married.  It was never something that meant a lot to me.  I was perfectly happy dating and having my fun.  But as I got older and closer to God, I realized that a husband is what I need in my life.  The Bible validates the ideology of marriage and family.  It’s about time that I start to take head to those teachings. 
When I mentioned this, I was surprised to find out that there were A LOT of ladies in our FB group that felt the same way. I was just writing what was on my mind at that very moment.  I had no idea that my words would be so appreciated by the other members of the group.  The responses after my response were such uplifting and supporting.  Some were thanking me for being able to be so open and honest.  In all actuality, I was sitting there with my checkbook trying to figure out who's getting paid and who's not.  As a single mother, it’s difficult to cover everything. Yes the bills are getting paid, but what happens when an unexpected expense pops up? Where’s that $600 to fix the brakes on the car going to come from?  There’s no one there to cover the other expenses if an emergency comes up. I could go on, but I think my point is made here.
I remember reading about Rosa Parks and how she became one of the catalysts for the Civil Rights Movement back in the 1960’s.  Among all the acclimates and such, when asked why she did what she did, Mrs. Parks simply replied that she was tired.  She was tired.  She sat down because she was tired.  Who knew that simple thing would spark a national movement and make such a significant mark on history?
People say that big things come from little thoughts. All I was doing was sitting here the other day, looking at my checkbook, trying to figure out who's getting paid this week and who's not. That’s it.  Nothing else.  I was thinking about those 2 disciples Peter and Paul.  How one was going to be robbed in order to pay the other lol.  I wasn’t thinking how my response would motivate and uplift strangers, but’s exactly what happened.  I went back to FB the next day and noticed that I had a lot of mentions and most of them were from the members of the group.  I was a real eye opening experience to say the least.
Now don’t get me wrong here.  I’m not looking for someone to be a financial support.  Me and my checkbook was just the catalyst for my feelings. But if you can’t fund this operation, you need not apply. I can do bad all by myself.  In reality, it would be nice to have someone to do things with or just to be able to consult on things with someone.  Most people don’t know how mentally exhausting it is to have to make EVERY household decision for yourself.  I would love to say to some of these AAU coaches (for example) “Let’s see what my husband, or his father, has to say”.  It would be so nice to be on a road trip and not have to drive all the way there AND back! It would be nice to have someone to be a wife to.
When I wrote what I wrote, I didn't think I’d open up doors for other people to confess their truths. I was only thinking that I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of being bored on weekends. I’m just tired! But I’m glad that I said what I said because I now know that others feel like I do. I need help. My child needs a father. I need a mate/companion (husband). Although there was a plethora of things that started to run through my mind at that time, the most important thing was that I’m finally to the point where I can be honest with myself about this.

Oh...I should mention that I would like my husband to be Jalen Rose.  Just had to throw that out there lol