What I want to say to my younger self

I have a birthday coming up... so I'm reflecting right now.

I'm not dwelling on the past...but reflecting on relationship mistakes that I've made and I'm learning from them.

If I had to say anything about relationships to my younger self, I'd say go for the nice guy! Bad boys will get you no where in life. Pretty faces fade, but character will always remain.  Occasionally, I talk to ex boyfriends just to catch up.  Some of them seem to have made changes for the better, but it's QUITE interesting at how so many of them have never changed.  It's like I'm talking to the same person I dated 20+ years ago.  Interesting...this isn't good.

I'd tell myself to leave the jocks and professional athletes, etc. alone.  From my experience, there's hardly any future with a man who constantly relives his past athletic accomplishments and refuses to move on with life and to live in the present. It's like they live in a perpetual state of the "Way back machine". Always wanted to talk about when they starred in a basketball game 30 years ago.  It's time to let that go and move on.  You're not that person any more lol

I'd tell myself that when you go to college, major in what you want to major in. And go to the college that YOU want to go to. One of my biggest regrets is that I never majored in what I wanted to major in.  I can remember as far back as 2nd grade saying that I wanted to be an art teacher.  I should have stuck to my guns and did what i loved.  Instead I let other people's opinions influence my decision for my future.  Chalk it up to being eager to please other people before making myself happy.  Do whatever for YOURSELF and don't worry about what others will think.  Don't make decisions based on what you think your family or friends will think, say, or react.

I'd tell myself to not walk away from relationships so easily.  I admit, that was my thing to do.  If I didn't like how something was going, i chucked those deuces up real quick and thought nothing of it.  Instead of staying around and working on the relationship, I bounced.  I realized a few years ago that I'm a runner.  So I promised myself that in my next relationship, I would try my best to stick around.  Seriously. I'm for real with this. lol

But the most important thing that I wish I could say to my young self is get the hell out of Mercer County, PA.  This is not a place for a certain group of people to be prosperous, professional, or most importantly, treated fairly.  I had a few opportunities to leave the area and further my career, but I turned them down because I had a small child at the time.  If I had to do it again, I'd pack my kid up and hit the road.  But for now, I'm counting down to leave...967 days to be exact.

I'm sure we have all done something in the past that we wish we would have done differently. At the end of the day, there are some things in my  life that if given a second chance, I would change them.  But for the most part, I wouldn't change a thing.  I love being who I am and I love my life and my family. I'm healthy, wealthy, and wise...well two out of the three isn't bad.  I'm working on being wealthy ;-) 

Please be sure to sign up for automatic delivery of my blog.  Right up there at the top of the right side of the page.  Be sure to respond to the verification email in your inbox! 

Single/Never Married

I swear if I hear that question asked of me one more time, I'm going to scream! If I knew why I'm single, then I'd be able to figure out to not be single.

As I sit here and think, i mean REALLY think, about this question, I realize that there are a lot of successful Black women in this area who are single.  And not just single... but single and never married.  I hate checking that box on stuff.  You know the question...are you married, divorced, single/never married? If you had asked me 20 years ago if I had ever thought that I would be single/never married at 43, I would have laughed.  I thought that I would at least be divorced by now. But I digress. Ok so there are quite a few Black women around here who are in positions of authority, are college educated, and single.  And no one knows why...

A few days ago I was talking to a lady who I've known for decades and she asked me when I was going to settle down.  I told her that i already settled down, but I just didn't have anyone else to settle down with lol.  I told her if she could find someone for me to date, I'd really consider going out with him.  Of course, she couldn't name anyone lol.   Years ago my mother and I had the same conversation.  I told her the same thing and she couldn't think of anyone for me to date either.

So being single at my age leads to a plethora of questions asked of me.  I've been asked if my standards are too high, but most often I get ACCUSED of my standards being too high.    Well, judging from the eclectic group of losers that I've dated, clearly I don't have high standards.  In fact, my standards might be too low.  But that's another conversation entirely.

I have a lot of free time on the weekends, I got to thinking about what could we do that was fun and would also put single women out there.  I came up with a challenge and I'm calling it the "5 Date Challenge". So here's the challenge for the single/never married ladies around here.  You have 2 months to go on 5 dates with 5 different men.  You have to go on 5 dates with 5 different guys before you can a repeat a date with any one of the 5 guys.  You don't have to take the entire 2 months, but you only get 2 months to complete the challenge.  There's no rules other than the men can not be married! And that includes being separated because at the end of the day that man is still married to someone.  He may not be living with her, but he's still a married man. The men can be older, younger, a different race, or whatever.  The end of the challenge will just that; the end lol  There's no real reason for this other than to open your mind to dating different types of men.  Since I live in a small area, either I'm going to end up dating the same type of men, or they're going to be very different.  I think the hardest thing for me to complete this challenge is to actually find 5 different men to go out with.  I may have to venture out of the area for most of my dates and I'm perfectly ok with that.

But the real reason for this challenge is to make you (we) have some fun.  Hopefully, it will make you try something different, like asking a man out or going out with someone who you never thought you would go out with.  Hell you might even become a cougar in the process and that's all good!

So if you decide to accept the challenge, let me know and please share your stories with me! I'd love to hear how things go with the challenge. Feel free to share the challenge with your friends, family, coworkers, or whoever.

Until next time,
Kavon