Fool's Gold...kick rocks!

Hello!! It's been a while, but I'm back!

So I'm sitting here listening to my new iTunes downloads and of course Jill Scott's "Fool's Gold" is at the top of my new playlist! I've been a HUGE fan of Jilly from Philly's since forever. I have all of her cd's. Every last one.

So her new single "Fool's Gold" is definitely a play on a previous blog that i wrote. How many of us have chased that proverbial Fool's Gold? When everything he said, was just so perfect? Believing in someone more than you believed in yourself and the relationship? How many of you believed what a man or woman has said to you? ...it happens way too often!

I was inspired to write this post about 2 months ago, but I put it on the back burner. Mainly because I felt like I had written about this topic before, but then I realized that this topic NEVER goes to bed. It's a topic that lives in NYC...the city the never sleeps. It never sleeps. And as long as there are men and women on this planet, this topic will remain relevant.

I'll keep it short and sweet...liars, perpetrators of the fraud, and game players can kick rocks! I can't understand why, at our age, men or women feel the need to continuously lie and play games when it comes to relationships?? My most recent experience happened a few months ago when a sudden tragedy brought a former "friend" back in town. I hadn't had any contact with this man for a few months, but when my phone rang and I saw that it was him, I immediately 1. knew he was in town, and 2. let the call go straight to voicemail. I knew he was in town because that's the only time I ever hear from him. When's he's here, it's all about me, and when he leaves, it's like i never existed. ...(side eye) I have to wonder why he even attempted to contact me because we had this conversation before, so he knows how I felt about it. But still...he calls. I listened to his vm message and then deleted it. I ended up seeing him a couple of days later and he asked if he could talk to me...i said no and walked away. No hard feelings. I'm just that type of person. If I told you how I feel about something and you keep doing it, it's not my fault, it's yours. And if i continue to let you do something, then well...it's my fault. I won't be at fault on this one.

All this lead me to thinking about why grown men and women play games? Game playing can get a person in a world of trouble if they play games with the wrong person. Lucky for men, I'm not the wrong person. I'll just laugh and walk away (lol)! Normally, I would write about how to combat the game players and give you examples of how deal with them. But in this instance, i can't. Game players will be around forever and it's up to us REGULAR people to learn to identify them and learn how to avoid them in life. Unfortunately, men and women will probably date 8 game players for every 10 people they date. ...those odds suck, by the way... but it's up to us to just call them out and either keep it moving, or give them another chance. But until then....kick rocks!

Who's a Gold Digger?

I'm sitting here with my friend Kendall having a discussion about MEN...she really bothers me like that at work...why?? lol  But I don't know how we got on the subject but we started talking about gold diggers. Or should I say, the perception of Gold Diggers.

When I hear the word Gold Digger i immediately think of EPMD.  Now I know you youngins will think of Jamie Foxx and Kanye West's Gold Digger song, but listen to the FIRST Gold Digger song. It's a classic.  Anyways, when we hear that word Gold Digger most people automatically think of a woman who's out to get whatever she can from any man that comes in her path. ...i know a few chicks like that lol  Gold Diggers, according to public perception, find a guy to prey on, hook him, then milk him for everything he has.  She somehow has cast some sort of magical spell on him that makes him cray cray for the poonanay.  So much that he'd give her his last of everything...and she still doesn't have enough. 

I don't know about you all, but I'm tired of the public perception, or misperception i should say, of only women being Gold Diggers.  Men are Gold Diggers too. I literally bust out laughing when someone, especially men, call females gold diggers because men are Gold Diggers too!

Let's take guy #1, for the sake of discussion.  He wants his woman to look like X, Y, and Z.  And have a certain length hair.  He also wants her to have a body like a superstar or a video vixen, not to have any emotions (the ability to complain or voice a concern), and be the lady of the house as defined by the standards from the 40's-60's...a stay at home Mom who takes care of the kids and family on a full time basis. This woman doesn't exist, but let's say she does.  Why wouldn't we consider this guy to be a Gold Digger? Is it because his expectations don't require something that could be considered to be monetary? In this case, does money trump physical attributes? If a woman wants a man who could provide for her, and give a comfortable life, is that considered Gold Digging?  Since when did requirements and expectations of a significant other constitute that person falling into Gold Digging status?  How often have you come across a man or a woman who has certain [ridiculous] expectations for the mate and you thought to yourself, this person is nuts?  I meet A LOT of men who are so set in their ways, that they can't see the forest for the trees. Once, I had man tell me that he wanted this, that, or another in a mate. She had to be a certain way in public, be a certain way at home, be educated, etc.  Ok, now this guy was a college drop out, was working various seasonal jobs, barely making a living for himself, and most importantly...his sex game was WHACK.  And I mean WHACK as hell WHACK.  I just listened quietly, and laughed a lot in my mind. And thought to myself...Dude, you sound like a damn fool.  I never responded to his messages or phone calls. ..LMAO

Conversely, I've talked with a lot of females who want a  specific man as well.  Now, I'm not saying to lower your standards to the bottom of the barrel, but if you can' offer that man anything, except ass then well you get what you pay for.  You'll end up being left, or only being just that...a piece of ass.  A trophy.  But hey, if you're ok with that, ain't nobody knockin' your hustle lol.  Your requirements for men are just as important as their requirements for you. So, if you have certain requirements and not willing to budge on them, you might wanna prepare yourself for the single life lol  Just kidding..

But at the end of the day, the media will project an image of females being Gold Diggers, but the reality is that EVERYBODY is a Gold Digger is some form or fashion.  Everyone.  Everyone is looking for something out of a relationship.  It might be money, sex, cars, clothes...but they are looking for SOMETHING! I can tell you that I'm Gold Digging for specific things...i won't let the cat completely out of the bag though ;-)  But they fall along the lines of Honesty, Trust, Compassion, Provider, etc.  But at the end of the day, I want something from my mate just like he wants something from me. 

Watering Yourself Down

How many times have you done this? I've done it A LOT!! I'm talking about how some women water themselves down in order to either attract or keep a man.

Over the course of my YEARS OF DATING I've realized that I've watered myself down quite a few times...for the sake of not impressing a man.Yup! I said it...NOT impressing a man.

In today's society, there  are A LOT more women who are just as financially independent as there are men.  Fifty years ago, more women were full time housewives than there were career women which in turn meant that women were more financially independent on their husbands or significant others.  Bottom line is, men controlled the coins in the household.  In a huge contrast, the amount of financially independent women today have lead to a greater amount of women who own their own homes, investments, and other forms of revenue.  Now someone said to me that because of this trend, more women, particularly college educated Black women, have remained single.  And I asked why?   Their answer was that (in so many words) that men are intimidated by successful women.  I found that hard to believe, but as I thought about my friends from college...i realized that the majority of us are not married.  Interesting...
As I continued to think about this "trend" i wonder what the heck is wrong with men?? I see a lot of men saying that they want this or that, but when that person is sitting right in front of them, they run faster than Usain Bolt in the 100m finals of the Summer Olympics.  To this day I can't figure out what men want from successful, educated, single women.  About 5 years ago I was dating a man who told me that women like me didn't need men. Huh what?? I told him that he sounded like a damn fool (lol).  And I asked him to tell me what (straight) woman he knew that didn't need a man in her life? And why would he even think that successful women didn't need men? I had to break it to him that we all want a companion in our lives.  Someone to at least share things with.  He was stuck on the financial portion of the relationship.  I should mention that he's a money hungry jerk...but I won't.  He's still chasing dollars...
So back to the watering down of ourselves.  How many of you have watered yourselves down in order to keep the attention of a man?  I have.  And still do.  Sad, but true.  I don't tell men that I own my own home, or that I have 2 degrees and hopefully will be working on a 3rd.  I don't tell that I single handedly take care of my child alone financially (with the exception of my parents and close family members).  I guess that, without even realizing it, I don't want to them think that I'm too independent.  I'm cringing as I'm writing this! It's sad, but it's a reality for successful, single women.
So as I move forward in this treacherous dating life of mine, what do I do?  Serious question here! Do I continue to water myself down? Or do I 'fess up and tell everything from the rip?
Respond with your answers please? ;-)

Until next time...
Kavon

I'm coming back soon!

I've been away for a while studying for my test, but I'm back and have a few subjects in the hopper to write about!

I can't wait to connect with all of my readers again :-)

See you guys soon!!!

~Kavon