Monday, July 28, 2014

The Growth Spurt

"It's not that you think you're better than people. Sometimes you just outgrow people and their lifestyles." -Kavon Wright, 2014

I was recently in a group text conversation with my friends from college and we were talking about our next reunion trip. I'm looking forward to our trip to the islands next year! As I was talking (texting) my friends, it took me back to IUP in 1991 when we all met during summer session 2. Our bound got stronger during Spring 1992 when we all became members of Alpha Angels. That was the beginning of our life long friendship and many, many, many stories that I could share, but I'll keep to myself because I'm not sure what the statute of limitations is in the State of Pennsylvania lol...just kidding! I often joke around saying that we could have been the original Bad Girls Club when we were in college.

It's been 23 years since we entered IUP as Freshmen and our friendship has NEVER wavered. We've never had a falling out. We've never had a big blow up with each other. We've never moved on past our friendship. There was a time, however, when we didn't see each other for like 15 years lol But when we caught up with each other, it was like old times again. We picked up exactly where we left off. Trading insults (in jest) and partying hard like we always did. My friends always give encouragement, but keep it real with me. They make me feel ok about being tall,...because those who know me, know that I'm not THAT fond of it. ...but it's a blessing from God. I remember a time during my junior year in college when my Grandma passed away. My cousins were already home and knew that my grandma had passed, but my family didn't want to tell me until i got back home. My friends drove me halfway home on a whim (after we'd stolen a half tank of gas from the Sheetz near campus lol).

I was thinking about how I don't have as much personal contact with my high school friends as I do with my college friends. It's more like when I see them, we speak, etc. Always cordial, but more than likely it won't be a planned event or activity like my plans with my college friends. Then I realized, that sometimes you just kinda outgrow people. It's nothing bad, but sometimes in life, your goals and vision becomes different from those people who you shared a common bond with years or decades ago. My high school best friend is totally off my radar now. I'll see her every once in a while, but it probably won't ever be something where we plan to get together and kick it. And this doesn't bother me at all. I'm good with knowing that people are in your life for season and reason. We had a good friendship when we were 16 years old, but now we don't have much in common. Again, this is ok. Life moves on. It's called growth.

Have you ever gone through a growth spurt in your life? A time in your life when it seems like things that held your interest are no longer interesting anymore? Personal growth is a natural progression in life and should be embraced. The issue that bewilders me is when a person is stuck in a certain period of their life and just won't move on. I've said in previous blogs that I've dated athletes in the past. With almost every last one of them, they were stuck in the past. Stuck in their heydays, so to speak. Their conversations were always about when they played where and what they did or had back when they were playing. That is a turn off. For me, growth was learning that I'm not an athlete's "wife or girlfriend". I really can't deal with the self absorbed mentality that some of them possess.

I remember talking to a friend about how he sometimes has issues with being around some family members and how bad he feels about it. I told him that even though they're family, sometimes you outgrow family too. It's not that he doesn't love them, he's just in a different place in his life than some of them are. He's past the wilin' out, drunk in the middle of the street, loud in restaurants lifestyle that some of his family still engages in. And that's ok. Reason...season.

As I look back over past relationships, I can honestly say that i REGRET quite a few of them, but I can appreciate the learning experience that I got from those relationships. But I asked myself if I had to do it all over again, my answer is a resounding HELL NO. I remember years ago when I used to have a laundry list of "requirements" for my future husband. I must have been out of my mind lol. During my relationship growth spurt, i realized that some things just aren't as important as other things in a relationship. If i were married before, I'd probably be divorced by now because of my immaturity relationship-wise. I know now that I'm mature mentally and emotionally and most importantly, I know my worth in a relationship.

It's ok to embark on a journey of growth. If anyone tries to hold it against you, then it's time to move on from them. A true friend would not try to hold you back from whatever is on your horizon. Sometimes you have to move on from things that you're comfortable with and be open to something that's totally outside of the box.

Reason...season...Let Go, and Let God

Special shout out to Robin, Lena, Marsha, Japraunika, Ametria, Inge, Carol, Story, and Michelle for inspiring this post. Love you girls!!! "All for One, Spring 1992"...except you Carol! lol