Tuesday, September 16, 2014

When to forgive

It took me 7 years to forgive this man.  Seven years to finally get to the point where I could say his name and not want to spit on him. It was that serious. We'll in my mind it was.  It wasn't like I was consumed with this situation for 7 years. It's just that I let it live in me for that long. I never sat around and let it overcome my thoughts and emotions. To be honest, I never thought about him until someone mentioned his name to me.
Last week I was listening to a song that he recorded for me. He wrote and sang the song just for me.  I don't know how the song got on my iPhone playlist but there it was.  Just a few days before that I was struggling with the concept of forgiveness and how to apply it to certain situations in my life.  I REALLY listened to the words of that song and there was my A-ha! moment.  I heard his point of view of the relationship. When I heard that song, it made me think if him and how I had to begin the process of forgiveness to begin to move on with certain aspects of my life.   And while I had gotten past hating him, I'd never really gotten past the extreme hurt, humiliation, and degradation that I felt during that relationship.

Forgiveness is a way to shed the hurt, pain, and emotional baggage that's probably weighing you down in life. In your path of forgiveness, you'll feel and emotional rush that's a new beginning.  Like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.  When I decided to forgive him, I unblocked him on Facebook lol. That's my way of moving on. He's still blocked on twitter, Instagram, and all the other social media sites, by the way lol.  Dude was a little out there, and a sister is NOT THAT crazy, ok??

So in the 7 years that's gone by, I can honestly say that the hurt lingered up until 3 days ago.  And that's only because I let it.  I didn't do it on purpose, it's just something that happened without me really knowing.  And holding on to hurt for 7 years will take a lot out of a person let me tell you.  And just 3 days ago, I felt my whole spirit being lifted when i said to myself, "I'm not mad anymore".  There was a point in my life, where I wished that person nothing but the worse in life.  I didn't wish that anything bad would happen to him, i just didn't care if it did or not.  Slight difference here lol.  And while I will never sit down and break bread with this guy ever again, I'm ok with hoping that he doesn't choke on  that bread...ok..i went too far with that one.
I was reading something the other night on "How to forgive".  I didn't learn any more than I had already known. It talked of all the typical things...Let go, Don't be angry, Let go of hurt, etc.  But one thing specially stood out to me.  It referred to revenge.  It said that best type of revenge is to lead a healthy and happy life.  I think I've done that.
I'm on a good path now.  I admit, it's very hard to not have an ill feeling towards someone who mentally and physically abused you.  But that's God's issue to handle now.  I've learned and moved on.  I've learned that even through a negative point in my life, I can be true to myself and say that I learned  A LOT during that time.  I've learned both good and bad lessons, and I fully intend to apply those lessons to my current and future relationships one day at a time.
Until next time... :-)