Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The empty cell phone

Let's talk about snooping.

A friend of mine dated a guy about 5 years ago who seemed like he had it together.  He was caring, concerned, and most of all, mature. They had so much in common and were on the same page.  They even talked marriage and future plans.  It seemed like she had finally met the man that would settle her down.  Everything was right on track.  Until she looked in that cell phone.  As most people do, she looked in the phone when she had an opportunity to do so.  You know those opportunities.  When he's in the shower, outside, or someplace where it's easy to look before he comes back in the room.  Before she did it, I told her what my grandmother always said about snooping. .. "If you go looking for something, be prepared for what you're going to find out."  She did it anyways lol.  Interesting enough, there wasn't anything in his phone.  And I mean NOTHING.  Nothing from his mama, his sister, or even HER.  I never told her, but that seemed really odd to me.  Why wouldn't you keep messages from your girl?  Was there something more to it? For me personally, If i'm dating someone, I keep their messages. I liked rereading something that might have made me I can smile again.  I like rereading comments that might have made me laugh.  And I like rereading those "good morning" text that I get. But a completely empty cell phone had me baffled.  There weren't any incoming or outgoing call logs either.  Weird!...but none of my business, so I never gave her my opinion because she never asked for it.

Fast forward about 4 years.  They are no longer together.  That situation only last for a little over a year.  In the end, she found out that there was someone else in his life.  Then she asked me what I thought about the empty cell phone situation. I told her that I thought it was odd that he didn't keep any messages [from her] or have any phone logs in his phone.  She agreed.  Let's just say that hindsight is a emm-effer, ok? 

I asked people if they ever looked through their significant other's cell phone.  Most of them had never done it and said that if they didn't trust their significant others, then they didn't need to be with them.  I completely agree! Just a couple of weeks ago, I told a friend of mine that when I met him, I REALLY wanted to take him seriously. We had some common interests and such and seemed to be on the same page about future goals. But as time progressed, I knew that I wasn't the only person that he was interested in.  And if anyone knows me, they know that Bessie don't play second to NO ONE. And I told him this.  It wasn't that big of a deal but sometimes if you don't  put it out there, people won't know how you feel or stand about something that you feel strongly about.  At this point in my life, I'm not interested in playing a game of "Duck Duck Goose" with other women with this man. We'll remain platonic friends for now.

So as I'm writing this, I'm asking myself would I have issues with another guy looking in my phone? At this point, because I'm not seeing anyone seriously and not in a committed anything, no I wouldn't have issues with it. When I meet a guy, and they ask me what my status is, I tell them I'm dating.  I'm not married, I'm not in a relationship, and I don't have anyone that I would consider to be my "Bae".  I'm dating. Simple as that.  I have nothing to hide.  If i were in a serious relationship, I still wouldn't have a problem with letting my significant other because again, I have nothing to hide.  

People always say that when you go looking for something, you should be prepared for what you're going to find.  When you go snooping, you should be ready for the outcomes of that snoop.With that being said, if you don't trust your partner, then chances are you shouldn't be with them.