Saturday, February 4, 2017

5 Dates Challenge Update

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post and asked everyone to take the 5 Dates Challenge.  This is where you (a woman) challenged yourself to step out of your comfort zone and go on 5 dates in 2 months.  This challenge was an effort to help women do something different while dating.  They were told to ask the man out first, or go out with a man who's different from the other men they went out with.  The challenge was basically a way for women to stop doing what they normally do while dating because, obviously, it's not working for them.

A few women did communicate their experiences with the challenge to me. One told me that she had a very difficult time even finding one date.  Another told me that she went on a couple of dates with a man and after the 2nd date, all he wanted to do was talk about sex.  And he neglected to mention that he had a pregnant girlfriend or EX girlfriend as he says. One said that she wanted to try dating white men, but was afraid.  And another told me that she was just afraid to come out of comfort zone for fear of rejection. I told her that the purpose of my date challenge was to eliminate the comfort zone and to push yourself in the chaotic world of dating in your 40's.

So let's talk about my dates.  I went on 5 dates and they were interesting to say the least.  My first date was with a guy that i dated a few years ago. Yes, I know that the whole point of this challenge was to challenge your comfort zone as far as dating and thinking outside the box.  But I really hadn't gone a date with a man in a few months, so I needed a warm up date lol. We met at Cheesecake Factory on the Southside and the whole time we were there, it was just like old times.  Us trying to figure out which one of us was the reason why the relationship never came into fruition.  On paper, he's a great guy.  Smart, funny, educated, owns his own business, and a good father.  But somehow we just couldn't get it together.  We just always seem to bump heads on petty stuff.  Which is why I call him Petty Wap and he calls me Petty LaBelle LOL I actually went on 2 dates with him.  I guess I couldn't get enough of his petty O_o

My second date was a blind date.  A good friend of mine and her husband thought that the two of us should meet. He's tall, hard working, raised his daughter as a single dad, and has the most beautiful hazel eyes. So back to the Cheesecake Factory on the Southside I went. Now let me say that a blind date is totally out of my comfort zone, but I had seen a pic of him and talked to him on the phone a couple times before we actually met, so it wasn't completely a blind date.  But nevertheless, I'll classify it as a blind date.  When I got there, I was a few minutes early so I did what any other person would do...start texting people lol.  He finally showed up (on time) with flowers in hand for me.  MAJOR cool points he got for that because I love flowers.  So the date was typical for people who don't know each other. We talked about our kids, our jobs, our friend, our likes and dislikes.  The date was going really well and then I remembered that it was going to take me about an hour to get home and Empire was coming on that night lol. All good though because I had already set my DVR to record the show.  Then he offered for me to go back to his place to watch Empire. His place was about 25 minutes in the opposite direction from where I live.  I politely declined, because I could see where this was heading, and told him that I needed to get back home to my child.  He walked me back to my car and insisted that we see each other again. So for a couple weeks after that, we talked and texted daily.  Then one day there was no contact.  No biggie in my book.  The next day no contact,..and one day turns into 2 days, then 3 days, and so on.  I had forgot about him until someone asked me about my blind date.  ...I guess he didn't make THAT much of an impression on me after all :-/

My third date was with another ex acquaintance from college.  He contacted me out of the clear blue. He must have been reading my posts on FB at the time.  It had been about 20+ years since I'd seen him so it was good to just catch up.  He was in the area on business so we decided to meet...in the Southside Flats smh.  I'm noticing a pattern here LOL. We did the usual, dinner and a night club and hung out with some ex NFL player friends of his. We walked around a little and even saw a fight in the middle of the street lol  Typical Saturday night happenings in the Southside section in case you didn't know.  So back to the date... being with him was kind of like being in college again.  Just having fun and reminiscing on how things were when we were in college.  And as the conversation progressed, I asked him when did he get divorced (because I knew that he had been married). He told me that he was still married. And that's when he hit me with the typical "married man who wants to cheat on his wife" response, "It's complicated and I'm with her because of our child" O_o   I went home and never took a call from him again and never responded to any of his text messages again.

And for the life of me, I can not remember my 4th date.  I'm looking through my calendar right now and I didn't even write that date down.  If I remember where I went and who I went with, I'll update this.  SMH He didn't make any kind of impression on me where I could even remember his name and where I went with him...that's sad.

My fifth and final date was with a man that I've known for a while but never had much contact with.  He actually asked me out after seeing one of my posts about the 5 date challenge, but it was probably about a month or so before we could actually get together.  So we went on a belated birthday dinner to one of my favorite restaurants and no, it wasn't Cheesecake Factory.  This guy was right away different from the others.  For one, I didn't have to meet him anywhere.  He picked me up at my door and drove me to where we were going. Again, there was good conversation, but he actually asked me questions about me, not just general, typical questions.  And as the conversation progressed, I quickly realized how intelligent this man was.  So, to know him, I would have never thought that he was that intelligent, funny, and most importantly, mature. He's a couple years younger than me, so maturity was a concern of mine,  But since this was a challenge to do something differently as far as dating, I was open to going out with a younger man.  He definitely kept my attention, so much that I still keep in contact with him.  And have gone out with him a couple more times since our first date and we keep in contact daily. So why not just kick it with him on a regular? This situation is interesting because 1. he doesn't live in the area, and 2. there's a situation at the moment that could prevent us from moving forward with each other. (To be discussed in a later post)

All in all, I can seriously say that I'm satisfied with my 5 Dates Challenge results.  I did what the challenge was intended to do.  It encouraged me to think outside the dating box and try things that I never would have done conventionally.  I enjoyed my 5 dates because every one of those men were totally different from the other and each made a [somewhat] different impression on me.  I realized that some men don't change and want to have their cake and eat it too. I learned that a man who's about 50 years old and divorced still has a one track mind when it comes to spending time with a woman.  I also learned that people notice you when you don't even realize that they were in your company.  One of my dates reminded me of what I was wearing when I saw him at a party about a year ago.  Cool points for that one.

So after 5 dates, 4 of them fell flat and 1 was somewhat successful.  That's a 20% success rate lol  But if I had to do it this challenge again, I definitely would!